Our Common goal at We Are Survivors is to support and advise men, women and children in Domestic Violence situations in a friendly environment
We are Survivors
We Are Survivors
International
Crisis & Information Helpline 24/7
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Chairperson/Founder
Katy Pearce
Director - C0-Owner
Michelle Middleton
Safe Rooms for Survivors
These are "safe rooms", where you can come and meet new sisters, explore feelings, tell stories, give advice and receive advice and generally be free and safe.
For female Survivors of Domestic violence to come and be safe.
This group is for adults that have experienced childhood sexual abuse/abuse.
Cyber bullying
is bullying through email, instant messaging (IMing), chat room exchanges, Web site posts, or digital messages or images send to a cellular phone or personal digital assistant (PDA).” (Kowalski) Sometimes it involves high school kids teasing and bullying each other on Facebook; at other times it entails adults persecuting one another over political, religious, or deeply held beliefs. It can take on a sadistic quality, in which the bully, not satisfied with merely humiliating his victim, seeks to torment his quarry to the point of self-destruction. “Cyber bullying, like traditional bullying, involves an imbalance of power, aggression, and a negative action that is often repeated.” (Violence Prevention)
Cyber bullying in its simplest form takes place between two people through email, instant messaging, or phone texting. But to be fully satisfying to the genuine bully, there has to be an audience; thus, he elevates the bullying to social media, Twitter, or a comment forum. In this way, the humiliation is public and twice as shaming. And the bully can perform at his sadistic best (or worst) before like-minded aggressors.
Cyber bullying can take several forms:
• Harassment: repeatedly sending offensive, rude, and insulting messages
• Denigration: posting derogatory information about someone, and/or digitally altered photos
• Flaming: fighting online, often using vulgar language
• Impersonation: hacking another’s email or social media to post embarrassing material
• Outing and Trickery: sharing another’s secrets or tricking someone into revealing embarrassing information
• Cyber Stalking: repeated threats or online activity that makes a person afraid for his/her safety
(Violence Prevention)
Characteristics of the cyber bully
A number of characteristics define cyber bullying:
• Anonymity – These bullies often cruise the Internet under pseudonyms, and the victim often does not know who is doing the bullying.
• Accessibility – The cyber bully can approach his victim at any time over the Internet; since the contact is not physical or face-to-face, there is no specific time during which the bully has access.
• Punitive Fears – Victims often fear retaliation from their tormentors; and it the victim is a child, the fear of losing the accessibility of a computer or other technology is a prohibitive factor.
• Bystanders – Bystanders to bullying in the cyber world can be numerous, as the information can be sent via email, cell phones, social media, and other technology.
• Disinhibition – The anonymity of the Internet can encourage an individual to commit acts they might not otherwise attempt in person. It affords “false courage” when the bully thinks he can’t be identified.
(Violence Prevention)
Cyber bullying can have disastrous consequences for young children, teens, and even adults who are not familiar with the tactics of cyber bullies. Cyber bullying for adults is often not as humiliating as it is for children. Kids may feel they can’t face their peers when they have been on the losing end of cyber bullying. There have been numerous reports of children and teens committing suicide over the tactics of cyber bullies; they just aren’t emotionally equipped to handle the social degradation.
There are a number of signs to look for if a parent or guardian suspects cyber bullying. Sadness, moodiness, or anxiousness can be a sign that a child has been bullied online. Avoidance of school or social activities, as well as a drop in academic performance can also signal the problem. And if a child appears unduly upset after a session on the computer or receiving a phone text, there may be a reason to investigate the situation. (Violence Prevention)
Adult Bullying
You may not hear a lot about adult bullying, but it is a problem. Read this article to learn more about different types of adult bullies and get some ideas on how to deal with an adult bully. Adult bullying is a serious problem and may require legal action.
One would think that as people mature and progress through life, that they would stop behaviors of their youth. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Sadly, adults can be bullies, just as children and teenagers can be bullies. While adults are more likely to useverbal bullying as opposed to physical bullying, the fact of the matter is that adult bullying exists. The goal of an adult bully is to gain power over another person, and make himself or herself the dominant adult. They try to humiliate victims, and "show them who is boss."
There are several different types of adult bullies, and it helps to know how they operate:
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Narcissistic Adult Bully: This type of adult bully is self-centered and does not share empathy with others. Additionally, there is little anxiety about consequences. He or she seems to feel good about him or herself, but in reality has a brittle narcissism that requires putting others down.
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Impulsive Adult Bully: Adult bullies in this category are more spontaneous and plan their bullying out less. Even if consequences are likely, this adult bully has a hard time restraining his or her behavior. In some cases, this type of bullying may be unintentional, resulting in periods of stress, or when the bully is actually upset or concerned about something unconnected with the victim.
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Physical Bully: While adult bullying rarely turns to physical confrontation, there are, nonetheless, bullies that use physicality. In some cases, the adult bully may not actually physically harm the victim, but may use the threat of harm, or physical domination through looming. Additionally, a physical bully may damage or steal a victim's property, rather than physically confronting the victim.
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Verbal Adult Bully: Words can be quite damaging. Adult bullies who use this type of tactic may start rumors about the victim, or use sarcastic or demeaning language to dominate or humiliate another person. This subtle type of bullying also has the advantage - to the bully - of being difficult to document. However, the emotional and psychological impacts of verbal bullying can be felt quite keenly and can result in reduced job performance and even depression.
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Secondary Adult Bully: This is someone who does not initiate the bullying, but joins in so that he or she does not actually become a victim down the road. Secondary bullies may feel bad about what they are doing, but are more concerned about protecting themselves
Workplace bullying can make life quite miserable and difficult. Supervisors should be made aware of adult bullies, since they can disrupt productivity, create a hostile work environment (opening the company to the risk of a law suit) and reduce morale.
It is important to note, though, that there is little you can do about an adult bully, other than ignore and try to avoid, after reporting the abuse to a supervisor. This is because adult bullies are often in a set pattern. They are not interested in working things out and they are not interested in compromise. Rather, adult bullies are more interested in power and domination. They want to feel as though they are important and preferred, and they accomplish this by bringing others down. There is very little you can do to change an adult bully, beyond working within the confines of laws and company regulations that are set up. The good news is that, if you can document the bullying, there are legal and civil remedies for harassment, abuse and other forms of bullying. But you have to be able to document the case.
Adult bullies were often either bullies as children, or bullied as children. Understanding this about them may be able to help you cope with the behavior. But there is little you can do about it beyond doing your best to ignore the bully, report his or her behavior to the proper authorities, and document the instances of bullying so that you can take legal action down the road if necessary.
Trolls
Adult cyber bullying often takes the form of “trolling.” The word comes from a reference to the method of catching fish by trolling a baited line in the water and waiting for a fish to bite. In the same sense, the Internet troll tries to “catch” an unsuspecting victim to demean and humiliate. Trolls are an annoying problem for those who use the Internet regularly. They are present on social media and in the comments sections of various websites, articles, blogs, and other online forums.
“In the late 1980s, Internet users adopted the word ‘troll’ to denote someone who intentionally disrupts online communities.” (Schwartz) Frequently, the technique employed is to asked stupid questions and lull the unsuspecting victim into a false sense of security and superiority, then pounce with a constant barrage of insults meant to overwhelm and intimidate. The troll considers this a contest in which he must best his opponent, a sort of cyber-joust.
Trolls even have a system of tallying their conquests called “lulz.” “A corruption of ‘LOL’ or ‘laugh out loud,’ ‘lulz’ means the joy of disrupting another’s emotional equilibrium.” (Schwartz) Some trolls in the cyber world have formed factions that hunt down their prey and relentlessly degrade them. “Technology, apparently, does more than harness the wisdom of the crowd. It can intensify its hatred as well.” (Schwartz) This type of trolling, it seems, can act as a sort of cyber lynch mob, sometimes with devastating results. This relentless pursuit for pleasure has genuinely disturbing implications.
Many trolls are not content with merely persecuting their victims online. Sometimes their persecution spills over to friends and family of their original prey. Following the 2006 suicide of Mitchell Henderson, a seventh grader from Rochester, Minnesota, persistent trolls didn’t consider their childish online jokes about the dead boy to be satisfying enough, and the harassment progressed to attacks against the boy’s parents. Phone calls were made to the Hendersons; Mitchell’s father stated that it sounded like kids. “They’d say, ‘Hi, this is Mitchell, I’m at the cemetery.’ … ‘Hi, I’m Mitchell’s ghost, the front door is locked. Can you come down and let me in?’” (Schwartz) Hard-core trolls consider this type of provocation hilarious, a true indication of the juvenile mentality and mind-set of the dedicated troll. To families who have experienced a loss, it devastating.
Trolls as Sadists
A new study seeks to classify the personalities of those who engage in trolling and to dissect this predatory behavior. The report by Erin Buckels of the University of Manitoba and two of her colleagues investigated the behavior patterns of people who enjoyed online trolling and investigated whether they possessed personality traits exhibiting manipulation and deceipt, narcissism, an absence of remorse, and/or a willingness to inflict pain on others.
This type of behavior has disturbing implications. The individual who gets pleasure from “hunting” fellow humans for this sort of degrading “sport” shows serious signs of predatory and destructive tendencies. In fact, the practice of trolling has become so blatant that several websites have taken action to prevent it. “Last year Popular Science did away with its comments sections completely, citing research on the deleterious effects of trolling, and YouTube also took measures to rein in trolling.” (Mooney)
Information, Prevention, and Reporting
There are a number of places to obtain information on cyber bullying. The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children maintains a “Netsmartz” program for finding information and solutions to cyber bullying.. There are several other helpful websites that offer information and assistance for parents of bullied children, as well as for adults seeking legal redress for cyber bullying. The website is administered in conjunction with the Hazelden Foundation and presents information, tips for parents of bullied children, and discussion regarding the legal issues involved in cyber bullying. A Department of Education site, offers directions on how to recognize, prevent, and report cyber bullying.
There are several important steps to take when there is evidence of cyber bullying. It is critical to keep a record of the incidents and to save any texts or photos associated with it. It is also important to report the incident to the online service provider for the site on which the event occurred. Victims can also block the person who is harassing them. If the bullying seems to cross the line from harassment to criminal intent, then it is time to contact law enforcement. If violence is threatened or any sexually explicit material is received, or when there is stalking or an invasion of an individual’s privacy, then the cyber bully has committed a crime and it should be investigated by the proper authorities. (stopbullying.gov)
It’s always important to know your rights and to impress these ideals on your children. No one has to be the victim of a cyber bully, and no one should have the right to infringe upon the security and well-being of any citizen with impunity. Being informed and knowing how to fight back is the only answer to eliminating this online threat.