Checklist for Leaving an Abusive Husband

by Sharon O'Neil, Demand Media 

 

 

A checklist can help you prepare to leave an abusive marriage.

 

Escaping Verbal Abuse Even After You Leave Your Partner

 

Leaving an abusive husband can be difficult -- and dangerous. In 2010, 21 percent of female murder victims were killed by a current or former spouse, according to the U.S. Department of Justice. Victims of abuse need a safety plan to stay safe while living with an abusive husband, when leaving and after escaping. A safety plan is an individualized checklist of things to consider, prepare and gather when escaping an abusive relationship.

 

 

 

Do Your Research

Before leaving, you need to know your legal rights and where you will go after you escape. WomensLaw.org has state-specific legal information and listings of domestic violence assistance programs and shelters. If you have children, it's a good idea to get advice from an attorney who specializes in custody issues and domestic violence. If you are planning on taking your children with you, you need to make sure you are not in violation of an existing court order or kidnapping laws.

 

Save Proof of Your Abuse

Before leaving, try to gather all proof of your husband's abuse to use as evidence if you go to court. Gather photographs of your bruises and injuries, broken household objects or torn clothing. You will also want to take hospital records and a personal journal listing details of the abuse, if you kept one. Make sure you find a safe place to keep these items so your husband will not find it. Consider giving it to a trusted friend or family member to keep it safe.

 

Gather Important Documents

You will need your identification, financial documents and legal papers to help you start a new life without your husband. Make sure you have your birth certificate, driver's license, social security card, checkbooks and credit cards. Bring a copy of your marriage license, car registration, mortgage documents, insurance policies and medical records. If you have children, take their birth certificates, insurance information and immunization records. Have a list of emergency numbers, such as friends and family, local domestic violence shelters, your doctor and local law enforcement.

 

Pack Clothing and Personal Belongings

Gather up several changes of clothing, personal care items and any medications you or your children take. Take a few items you want to keep, such as pictures, jewelry and memorabilia. Make an extra set of car and house keys in case your husband takes yours away. Take a pay-as-you-go cell phone and emergency money.

 

Choose the Best Time to Leave

The best time to leave is when your husband will least expect it. This gives you the opportunity to get out safely and more time to get to a safe place before he realizes you are gone. Try to go while he is at work or if he goes out of town. You can check with your local police to see if they will escort you or if they can be on standby as you leave. Make preparations in case you have to leave suddenly. Keep your car filled with gas and back it in when you park. Make a habit of leaving the driver's door unlocked, while locking all of the others.

 

Take Precautions After You Leave

Take steps to stay safe after you leave your husband. Women's shelters have security measures in place to protect women from their abusers. If you stay with a friend or relative, make sure your car is not visible. The home should have dead-bolt locks and a security system, if possible. If you have a restraining order, keep a copy with you at all times. Change your phone number and have your number blocked from showing up on calling ID. If possible, change your work hours and consider enrolling children in a different school.

 

 

 

References

• Federal Bureau of Investigation: Murder Victims

• Federal Bureau of Investigation: Murder Circumstances

• WomensLaw.org

• WomensLaw.org: Getting Ready to Leave

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline: What Is Safety Planning?

 

Resources

• HelpGuide.org: Help for Abused and Battered Women

• DomesticViolence.org: Personalized Safety Plan

 

About the Author

Sharon O'Neil has been writing professionally since 2008. Her work has been published on various websites, including Walden University's Think+Up. She has worked in international business and is a licensed customs broker. She is currently a supervisor with a social service agency that works with families to prevent child abuse and neglect. She obtained a Bachelor of Science in business from Indiana University.

 

http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/checklist-leaving-abusive-husband-38484.html

 

After a Breakup: Your Tech Safety Checklist

 

 

Technology can be pretty awesome in a lot of ways. With a smartphone or a laptop and an internet connection, you can chat, message, share pictures or videos, and stay connected with anyone, anywhere in the world. But we all know that technology can also cause problems, especially for people in abusive relationships. 

We’ve talked a lot about digital abuse while in a relationship, but if your relationship has ended, your safety is still important. Follow this tech safety checklist to create a few protective barriers for yourself after a breakup:

 

• Change your passwords

If you shared your online passwords with your ex (or even if you didn’t), it’s a good idea to change them post-breakup. If your ex was abusive in any way, or if your relationship was unhealthy, there’s a chance that they might try to log in to your accounts and continue the abuse. 

 

• Block/remove phone numbers

It could be a good idea to block or remove your ex’s number from your phone. That way you won’t be tempted to answer when you see their name pop up on your cell. If you don't feel comfortable deleting or blocking an abusive ex's number, consider changing their name in your phone to something that will remind you why it might not be healthy for you to talk to them -- like, "I Deserve Respect!"

 

• Update your privacy settings

Double check your privacy settings on your social media accounts, and decide if you want to opt for more privacy. For example, you might update your settings so that your ex and their friends only see certain information that you share, or maybe you’ll choose to block your ex completely. 

 

• Turn off check-ins

For a little while, at least, you might consider turning off check-ins when you go out, especially if you’re concerned about your ex knowing where you are. 

 

• Ask friends not to tag you 

If you don’t feel comfortable with your ex knowing your whereabouts after you break up, ask your friends not to tag you in pictures or check-ins. 

 

• Check for spyware

Did your ex keep tabs on you, or check up on you constantly during your relationship? If so, it could be a good idea to check your phone and computer for spyware. Some abusive partners (or ex-partners) use spyware to monitor their victims, and it can be difficult to detect. Check out NNEDV’s Spyware and Safety pdf, or this article about detecting spyware on a cell phone. 

Remember, whether you’re in a relationship or you’ve just broken up with your partner, you have a right to safety and privacy. If you need to talk to someone about your situation, or if you have questions about unhealthy relationship behaviors, you can always call, chat, or text with a peer advocate!

 

http://www.loveisrespect.org/after-breakup-your-tech-safety-checklist